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As for the benefits of my three journies with the Plant this year, the most significant was my re-discovery of God(s).

I lost my faith in God when I was about 19. Until then I had been a spiritual little boy and teenager, getting a lot of sustenance in a quite lonely childhood from my belief in a protecting Father deity.

For various psychological reasons, I turned my back on God in my early 20s and then could never find him again. My connection with Buddhism in my 30s was undoubtably because it is a famously atheistic religion. I could never accept the Father God.

But on my third night with the Plant last week, I found God again. Or rather Gods – because I realized (via my friend Joshua) that there were two Gods: one male one female. That there was -of course! – the Father God and the Mother God and they had never not been there. Human beings need them, like plants need sun and rain. That’s why the return in various constellations in all human cultures. It’s odd the the Western traditions have always concentrated on the one rather than the other.

Nonetheless, I was delighted to spend the whole night with them. Shaking from top to toe with indescribably happiness at our re-aquaintance.

I appreciate that this seems a little barmy but – as sure as I can see the little blue tit outside my window in the snow – I know that these Divine Parents exist. Jung says somewhere that he doesn’t believe in God, he knows God exists. And that’s the enviable position I find myself in. I know without a shadow of a doubt that they are there, have always been there and always will be. They also (thankfully) have a very acute sense of humour and are quite able to take my disbelief or astonishment in their stride.

I’ve been feeling giddy and overwhelmed by waves of excited expansion ever since I came to on Sunday morning and realised that they weren’t only available during the vision. I drove into Ilheus to take Deborah to the airport on the day after that last ceremony and was zinging with energy (which is not unusual after the last session). But on the long jungle road back to the Land, one of the big Brazilian haulage lorries thundered past with a typical religious motto painted on the mud flaps: Deus é mais. , God is more. And I blinked and thought with quiet astonishment: I love God again. How odd. How wonderful.

This, written at 2am after the seminar was over:

A lesson in agility, the hummingbird Silvia, sleeping. All around the night a banging of joy, muffled, almost inaudible, translucent in the dark. I criss-cross the tendons cactus flower, vine musculature of God. Deus é mais. Bigness and blossom all across the sky/ a cataract of seeing.
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